You Go Girl!

Written Friday May, 18th…
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> I have no idea what time it is. What I do know is that it is really cold and it’s at night and I have to pee really really badly. I’ve had to pee for sometime now, but I was hoping I could hold out until morning. Dream on , Sister.

> I wait for a few more minutes.

> Now it has become unbearable.

> I wait a few more minutes.

> And now….I must attend to my body’s urgings.

> So I quietly try to slink out of our double sleeping bag without waking Al. Its not an easy thing to do since he’s on the zipper side and I’m on the fold over side. Since I sleep cold, Mr. Al thought I should be as snugly as possible, the dear heart…forgetting that I would probably have to go sometime in the middle of the night. Alas, I am one of those. Always have been, no matter how little I drink before bed. >
> So there I am, slinking out of bed, and I hear this little voice, all muffled from being buried cozily within his side of the bag, “You Go, Girl!” >
> The jig is up. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, “I’ll be right back.” >
> I reach for my glasses and my head lamp, knowing that A) I will need to see and B) I will need both hands free. >
> Our two room tent sounds large. It’s not that large. Four people could sleep in it if they lined up like sardines. It does have a lovely feature, tho….there are only two of us and you can stand in it. >
> So I sort of stand and squat over to the corner of the non sleeping room. On one side it is piled with all of our non food items. ( We’d arrived rather late last night and just slung stuff in willy-nillie ). The other side has a little makeshift latrine just for me. It consists of a urinal, complements of St.Joseph’s Hospital, some wipes, toilet paper, and the Go Girl. >
> Al presented the Go Girl to me a couple of weeks ago. He had been worrying about my 2:00AM calls of nature and decided that the Go Girl would be the answer, especially for the upcoming canoe trip to Canada, known grizzly bear country. >
> When Al handed me the Go Girl back at home, I still had no idea what it was. It was still in its handy little container and looked like a pack of Necco candy wafers or some inch wide life savers. Convenient, handy and oh-so-packable. >
> At bedtime, I took Go Girl out of her wrapping and it sprung into form…literally, it jumped out like one of those snakes-in-a-can. And there she was: a lovely lavender funnel in a shape quite reminiscent of the male tinkle machine. Right then and there, I knew I should have opened Go Girl earlier. Even tho the picture diagram was pretty straight forward, I could see that it would take some practice peeing into a urinal through that lavender penis funnel. >
> And there I was, my headlamp sweeping back and forth as I stood, long johns around my ankles, Go Girl in position, urinal ready to capture the liquid, my body barely able to continue said substance much longer and….. >
> I couldn’t do it.

> I just could. not. do. it.

> I had these visions of me missing or leaking or puddling….creating a lake that we would need to portage through in the morning. >
> So I drop the objects and exit the tent as quickly as I can. Forget gracefully, there just wasn’t time. >
> Outside, it was colder than within (frost on the ground in the morning) and the latrine was scarily far away. It was night and one knows that latrines are farther away from the tent at night than in the daytime with wild things and/or monsters lurking and waiting to pounce. >
> I do my business as close to the tent as humanly possible. Perhaps the wild things and/or monsters will assume I am marking my territory. Whatever the case, I felt much better. >
> Much, much better.

> So much so, that I turn off my headlamp and just look up. >
> Stars upon stars upon stars.
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